Melodrama

Okay... now it is the weekend.

Nicole came into town last night... I showed up at Emily's like half an hour before she did, and popped out of the basement when her back was turned. Heh. We all went to the fireworks, and Nicole and I exchanged presents (her bday was the 27th, mine is the 6th, and she's leaving today and not coming back until sometime later this month), and my mom showed up and took me home. Then I went to bed.

I woke up this morning in a strange mood. I put off examining myself for a while, and cracked open the book that I nearly finished last night. I got done, and then came downstairs, had breakfast, etc. I played card games on the computer (refreshed my memory on Euchre, played Tarot a bit, learned Skat, played a game of Cribbage, etc), then got tired of continuously losing, so I got on the internet. I was soon drawn to my blog, where, I noticed, I haven't posted for 4 days. So here I am.

I do feel very strange today. I'm oddly detatched from everything... Sure, I'm paying attention to things, and going about normal life, but everything just bounces off the surface today. I don't really absorb anything, and I'm strangely emotionless. It's very disconcerting.

There is, though, one thing that I seem to respond to--That is literature. Any sort of it, be it blogs, fiction, rules of card games, or just the potential for a story. But even this response, after the initial rush of whatever it evokes in me, I regard with a cold detatchment. Because, of course, this responce to literature is a part of me--and I am, of course, not literature, so am distinctly uninteresting.

Well, not uninteresting. I am interesting to think about, to examine, and to analyze; but as far as feeling goes, as far as sadness, or excitement, or even regret at being empty... there is nothing.

Today, I know what it is to be heartless.

I would say that it scares me, but that would be a lie.

Is this how normal people live? If it is, after today is done, I will feel great pity toward those who have never felt what I feel daily.

I hope--Nay, for I have no hope--it will be good when I get my emotions back.