New Blogger???

So, it seems the blogger beta is no longer beta.

So what does this mean for me?

It means too fucking complicated to try to replicate the old site... so it's time for a redesign. Woo hoo.

I'm satisfied with it. I even made a new banner. It was interesting trying to get the text title not to show up, but I got it to work.

Now, after all that meaningless nonsense I'm sure you're wondering whether anything interesting is happening in my life at the moment.

Well...

I auditioned for Guys and Dolls. I got "Arvide Abernethy," who is Irish and has a solo song and whatnot. I am off stage enough that tech should be an option some days, so this is good.
Christmas came and went, and I got a new camera. So I now have a digital camera that actually takes pictures worth sharing. I also got Medieval II: Total War for PC, which basically just provides yet another way to distract me from Grapes of Wrath, which I would be reading if I was responsible. Speaking of reading, I went to Barnes and Noble in Bloomington today, got a book called Vellum, by some author guy, and it seems interesting. I will probably be reading it instead of Grapes of Wrath this next week, along with watching That 70s Show DVDs and playing computer games. It's almost as if the universe is conspiring to keep me away from John Steinbeck Books. Well, universe, I appreciate the thought, but I'm really going to have a problem come January 10th when I'm due to have it finished and I haven't read but 3 chapters. Thanks a lot Total War, thanks a lot That 70s Show, thanks a lot Barnes and Noble. Sigh.

I've had several bursts of creativity of the musical nature lately... I've written several short and crappy piano songs, a couple of which I can actually play.

Lo and Behold, I am now Tired of Blogging. See you in a month.

Titles require thought

So, my homework was done at a pleasant 9:00... and I figured I'd give myself an hour of whatever before heading to bed so I can kick the rest of whatever-sickness-I-have to the curb... So, what better to do than blog? Right? Right.

So, I guess I could do a class roundup, considering how long it's been.

1. Japanese--Actually spoke Japanese. Seems obvious, but we actually do very little of that this year... It frustrates me sometimes. Too many good quotes over the months in that class to remember any of them.

2. US History. All I remember is writing, writing, and more writing. I spent about 2 1/2 hours regurgitating an "American Heritage" article last night, then I had to regurgitate it again in class, and take 2 pages of rapid-fire notes on some Roosevelt filmstrip. Not good on a day with lack of sleep.

3. Physics -- Basically sucked... Mr K has the annoying habit of using sports analogies constantly... So the calculator is our "physics shoes," he's our coach, and the test is "the big game."

Yeah. Pretty stupid if you ask me.

4. Algebra II -- Same old same old. Math. woot.

5. English -- So, we're dividing chapters between groups in the class so that Mrs. V doesn't have to explain everything. Apparently she's tired of talking (which, coincedentally, is her job, but hey), so she's having us explain chapters of The Scarlet Letter to the class. We got chapter 17. We're doing a dramatic re-enactment. We'll see how that goes.

Lunch -- I was pretty exhausted by lunch. The unidentified sickness killed my appetite, so I had 4 chicken nuggets, OJ from a can, Ritz bitz and like 8 fruit snacks. As far as the social part of lunch... nothing monumental happened.

6. Show Choir -- So, the 50-page christmas medley is officially dead. Mr. H stopped playing the accompaniment mid-phrase, made a face, and said "I know we've been working on this for forever, but would you mind terribly if we sang something else?" The class erupted in enthusiasm. So no more" Christmas Garland." We are now singing a soul-ridden "Hallelujiah." It'll be cool enough.

On another note, there was a joint effort of show choir and drama today to list all 150 original pokemon from memory. I am proud to say we were successful, though it took about 2 hours. We also remembered all the trainers and the cities to which they belong.

7. I was pretty much just sitting there being quiet... remembering pokemon and cities and such...

8. Second to last day on the Potter's wheel... I would've liked to make something other than bowls, like maybe a nice vase, but considering the mood of the bowl I did make today, I'm lucky that even lived...

Stayed after to aim lights and that sort of thing. There are still a couple of stupid places that are badly lit, but for the most part it turned out ok. Plus I get paid for being there.

Got a haircut... not screwed up, woot. Bought gum. Did homework. Yeah, that's my day.

Ongaku post

It's been a few months...

Captured in Chinatown -- The best band ever to only get 10 plays a day. The instrumentals are creative... just all around cool. Don't feel like analyzing right now, what can I say.

Emery -- A bit more hard-rocky than I usually post here, but hey.

Annuals -- Interesting. Very interesting.

Boys Like Girls -- Nothing that different, but hey, I can appreciate a good emo band as much as anyone.

I'm kinda glad I can't vote.

So, here's a post about the much-publicized Hill-Sodrel race for Indiana District 9.

I don't like Hill's economics.

I don't like Sodrel on social issues.

So Libertarian Eric Schansberg seems the logical choice... but I'm not so fond of him on the war.

So then, what are my priorities?

I'm an angsty, repressed teenagers, so social issues are big.

But then the idea of millions of dead Iraqis doesn't sound so great, which seems the likely result of pulling out quickly...

And it doesn't help that all Hill and Sodrel do is sling mud at each other. I haven't seen a single positive ad in the whole campaign season. All they do is bash each other, and I don't support that, and whatever the issues, I don't want to condone that bullcrap.

So I would probably end up not voting anyway.

Busy, busy, busy

Maybe happiness is being too busy to realize you're sad.

Well, I am, anyway. I'm in the play at East, Anatomy of Gray (come see it!), for which I have rehearsal *almost* every day... the days I don't have rehearsal for Anatomy I have rehearsal for Anne Frank, the scene we are putting on for the middle school students... and then every day at 7 for the next few weeks, I'm at rehearsals for Grace and Glorie, doing whatever I'm told in order to ingratiate (vocab word!) myself with the theaterical community...
Plus, I have to keep tabs on the progress of the poster for Anatomy, work for 12 hours on saturday, and somehow find time to do homework.

Being sad doesn't really fit in there.
I've wasted a good half-hour on the computer. I have to leave in 1:15. I'd better get cracking on that homework.

The title would be "Falling Apart" if I was the type for the excessively dramatic

So, really, it's not as bad as all that... I just feel like I'm gradually going crazier...

I can't really form coherent sentences at the moment... partly from the techno blasting in the headphones... partly the weird state of mind...

I don't really know what to say. I really don't....

Eventually, I'll probably write a big rambling post on the subject of... all this crap... but I can't right now, literally cannot think that clearly. So I'll leave it at a cryptic message implying intense emotional stress thousands of times more serious than it really is... It's really not that bad... I'm just blowing things out of proportion... it's what I do...

Not sad

I feel like blogging. I don't really have anything to blog about, but I have resolved that it's not going to be some big philosophical moment. I'm sick of philosophy.

I went to wal-mart twice today. >_> Heh.

I'm actually going trick-or-treating this year. Yeah, I'm 16, whatever, I don't care, because my costume rocks. It's a secret, though.

I downloaded "Blank Screens" by "The Static Age" off Itunes. I've mentioned them before... but I'll mention again. It's really good, but all the songs kind of sound alike. So it's the kind of CD you want to just leave in your car, instead of listening to it end to end... but yeah, whatever.

I went to "Music of the Night" last night... it was a show from the Columbus Theater Company... it was good. A bunch of songs from broadway musicals... good fun. Some damn good singers, too.

Sigh. I have the feeling that I have some big piece of homework to do over the weekend... but I don't really remember what it is...
Wait... yes I do. Sigh.

Eeeeeh.

My life

I'll start off with a nice analogy.

Think of a roller coaster.

This is my mind.

Not just the up-and-down parts, either.

Notice a) it goes up a huge lift hill. I can feel the cycle coming and am powerless to stop it. b) It plummets hundreds of feet into the dark tunnel of cynicism. c) Multiple twists, turns, ups, and downs, changing my opinion as often as the direction of the car. d) At the end, nothing ever ends up resolved, I just roll gradually to a stop in a stunning anticlimax. e) Pull into the station, dump out the people who are tired of listening to it and take on more unsuspecting passengers. f) Do the whole thing in infinite succession.

That's my mind.

I guess it warrants some explanation. It would take a couple hours to type out the whole thought process, and as it is 11:45 pm already and I have been awake and dealing with shit for 17 hours I will forgo the extra explanation and will leave that to your imagination. But as a clever summary:

I am reading The Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand. It is brilliant, a real thinking book. But as you may or may not know, I get very involved in books that I read. The emotions of the plot and characters get absorbed into my day-to-day life. This is okay sometimes, specifically with fantasy, because it is easy to discern between what is genuine and what is stolen from the book. But with my book now, there is a fair amount of philosophy, and things about the nature of society, et cetera. This is all well and good, but as I am reading it, I draw an unhealthy amount of parallels between the book and life, and it inevitably provokes a lot of thought.

Long story short, the book makes me think, which makes it a good book, but it may be bad for my health. Mix that with the fact that we're reading The Crucible in English, and the general materialism and superfluousness of society at large, and the most optimistic of the lot of you will become cynical. Consider that I am somthing of a cynic by nature anyway (refer to the title of this blog) and there are problems for me.

Another mental battle I am fighting is between superiority and utter, dismal equality. I want so badly to feel as though I am somehow better than everyone else, because of my Fountainhead and my mental roller coaster and my "look, I'm honest with myself..." but then, in that respect, I'm just as bad as anyone. The need for superiority is a basic human instinct. It's all about how we go about being better... Athletically, academically, materially, or even in the degree that we are martyred.

What's a desperately confused and insecure cynic to do?

I guess this is junior year...

I've been in school two weeks. So far I have to:

Answer 6 in-depth questions for shakespeare (requires about a full page of answers, typed, that all require very much thought)
Read Act 1 of Titus Andronicus (about 40 pages, but it's shakespeare, so it'll take time)
Start The Fountainhead (learning package book, it's about 600 pages)
Write an "expository essay" for English
Write an essay about speeding for Physics (wtf. W. T. F. I hate Mr. Kasting. You have no idea how much I hate Mr. Kasting).

All that plus normal homework, and a fundraiser for Art.
As always... it doesn't seem like much... it's just worthy of note that all this is after being in school for two weeks.

It's so weird. >_>

I had a great title that accurately conveyed the sense of exhaustion that I am currently feeling...

But I lost it in the pile of stuff-I'm-thinking-about...
So no witty and concise title for you.
So, I really shouldn't be this burned out, considering I've been back in school for three days. But it's just too much. But it really shouldn't be. There's my inner struggle.
This is actually completely unjustified. I just really hate school, that's all.
Ugh.

Yup. Yup. Yup.

So. First day of school. It's kind of surreal.. it hasn't quite hit that I'm going to be doing the same thing for 9 months yet... Ehh... maybe I'll get lucky and it won't hit until february. Really, really lucky. Doubtful but still.
I dunno... I'll get into my routine soon enough.
I tried running around the block. Now I remember why I hate running.
So... not a whole lot of homework.. got algebra and US history done in resource.. still have to write a couple introduction to Patrick poems for english... fun.
I drove to school. That was cool. And I got a parking permit. Also pretty snazzy. Woot.

By Request

I have been asked to post my schedule.

Advisory: Darr

1. Japanese 3: Lykins
2. US History: Fribley
3. Physics 1: Kasting
4. Algebra II H: Farless
5. English 11 H: Vincent
6. Show Choir: Hauan
7. Resource
8. Intro 3d Art: Ponsford

9. Shakespeare: Runge and (hopefully) Playwriting: Runge

There you have it. My schedule.

I guess I -have- to post.

It's been a while, huh? I've had plenty of time, just haven't felt like posting.

First off, music.

Windsor Drive

First word that comes to mind on "Shine" is 'contemplative.' From instrumentals to vocals to lyrics, the mood is consistent, and it flows beautifully.

Mellow: 7/10
Loud: 3/10
Lyrics: 8/10
Instrumentals: 9/10

The Static Age

Widely appealing. A lot easier to like than many bands. A bit darkerthan the above, mainly because the guitars are more front-and-center. It doesn't really sound like anything else. My example song is "Vertigo" (no, not THAT vertigo).

Mellow: 5/10
Loud: 5/10
Lyrics: 6/10
Instrumentals: 9/10

Action Action

The song "Paper Cliche:"
Variety. The verses are reminiscent of Franz Ferdinand and The Bravery... the chorus storms in, and *almost* sounds like something out of Jonothan Davis's head, though not as angry, vulgar, or, well, loud.
Note: If this song isn't for you, then try the others. The next one reminds me of Red Hot Chili Peppers and the Counting Crows.

Mellow: 4/10
Loud: 7/10
Lyrics: 7/10
Instrumentals: 7/10

Bury St. Edmunds

Instrumentally-driven. More involved than Sigur Ros, but just as floaty.
Note: Lyrics are apparently present further down the list. This applies to the song "Ties That Bind."

Mellow: 8/10
Loud: 1/10
Lyrics: N/A
Instrumentals: 9/10

All right, let's get on with the real blogging.

The road trip was fun... Don't want to blog about it, though. :P I'll give you states. OH, WV, PA, DE, NJ, NY, CN, RI, MA, NH, ME, NB, VT, ON. Cool.

I'm getting my driver's liscense on Wednesday. That's pretty cool. Also getting my school books and schedule the same day. That's questionably cool.

I guess I'm ready for school... I accomplished everything I really needed or wanted to accomplish during the summer, so I'm satisfied. I just wish the school year wasn't so long... I'm bored NOW, but by Feb. I'm going to be aching for summer again. Sigh. Inevitable I guess.

So, hmm, I guess I'll be done. I've done what I'm supposed to do. See you in a month.

Jk.

Maybe.

I am a cancer.

Leave me alone.

Yeah, I realized that I am pretty much the stereotypical cancer. I have mood swings constantly... I'm always trying to withdraw myself...

Problem is, everyone gets all worried when I get withdrawn and don't talk much, and they say I've got to do something, or talk to someone, because I'm acting weird.

Relax, guys. I'm not suicidal. I'm just a Cancer. Give me my time, and I'll actually get happier for you. Just give me a damn break.

Oooooh. Pretty.

Well, I could write an insightful entry, but I just don't feel like it. So instead, I'll ramble about our....

NEW COMPUTER.

Haha.

So... specs. 2 Gigs of ram (that's 4 times the memory of the older computer. So I can actually go into the cities in WOW now. OOooooh. cool.


250 gigs of hard drive.... not incredibly impressive, but decent. Heh.

Our moniter... It's huge. For the computer-inclined out there... 1440 by 900. (That's widescreen.) For the first time, in the computer's weird bank of memory card slots, there's actually a slot for my camera's memory card. No more USB cables. Woohoo.

Just to give you an idea with the moniter... a visual representation.



Hey, look! It's this entry!

See how wide?

Hahaha.

And It's got dual processors. Supposedly that's going to be pretty awesome, except software doens't even use that feature yet, soo... Yeah. And of course, Windows is still fucking with it and slowing everything down... grr. But that's windows, and as angering as it is, it really is easy. So I guess I can't complain too much.

Haha. I'm just oozing nerdyness aren't I?

Milestone

Just for the sake of clarity, this is a post about my "relationships with people," so treat it as such.

Not that it's of any particular great intrest to any of you, but I just stumbled upon a realization. I have finally recovered.

I have been considering myself damaged for some time. I broke up with my last girlfriend in November of '05. I was young then. Yes, it was 7 months ago. However, so much has changed inside me in those 7 months. I have definately grown. Soon after the breakup, Nicole moved to Tennessee. So, I had some issues there that I had to work through. While still in the midst of those, I got myself mentally involved with Emily. After much back-and-forth, it didn't work out. While I was still working through that, Taylor came up again. Then that all went to hell, and I finally just said, to hell with it all, I quit. Although I have since learned that I definately did not quit, that was probably the best thing for me at the time. I have finally worked through all my shit. I've gone over it all in my head countless times. And it's finally settled down.

Yes, that's right, folks. I have reached a new equilibrium.

I can finally stop telling myself that I'm 'not ready' for a relationship. I am no longer 'not ready.'

I've been on a roller coaster these past 7 months. All I can hope now is that somehow, I've emerged healthier for it.

God, I hope so. I guess we'll see.

Stop sending me chain mail

I don't care how much bad luck you're going to have.

I don't care if I'm ruining some fun game.

I don't care how well-written the fake email from the MSN employees is.

Stop sending me chain mail.

I'm serious.

I don't know how you people fall for this stuff. It seems to me that any person who uses the internet as much as you all do would catch on to the scam, but obviously not. I'm still getting chain mail. So I'll spare you a rant about how none of it is true, and how you're just showing the world how gullible you are, and how I have enough junk mail without these....

Just stop sending them to me.

Seriously.

Redundant

I feel an intangible need to blog.

Patrick's Family Issues (PFI) have of course come up again. They come up in every conversation that's had around here nowadays. There's nothing to be done for it, though, but to wait. PFI will not reach any sort of conclusion for another 6 years. By then I'll be out of here. I'll manage. But we really do talk about it all alot.

Now, that was vague, wasn't it??

Now for some real stuff.

My grandparents on my dad's side are here. They're reasonably normal old people. Enough said there.

Actually, they're not *here*. They're staying in a hotel. But they're usually here. Just not now.

Now, that was pointless, wasn't it??

There is of course the normal WoW jumble, but I'll spare you all but the barebones. I created 2 new characters. I've gotten them to level 15 and 8. Fun fun.

It's raining. It was storming for a while.. but it's pretty quiet now. Judging by the radar, though, the rain will keep up for a while.

This whole post is just stupid.

What's that?

What's that? Over on PatrickIsTalented? Could it be? Something has changed?
Is it the sidebar? No... the layout? nooo.... Oh, that's it! There's a new poem!

What are you waiting for? Go check it out.

Witty new title

I used up most of my write-well-juice for that last post there, so this is going to be... Shall we say... minimalistic.
The more observant of the bunch may notice that I changed the name of my blog. I decided that "Patrick's random crap" was getting old. So I thought up a witty NEW name, and now I'm one of the many blogs with "thoughts" in the name. I guess everyone all ends up the same eventually.

I haven't been doing much with my life today... a little world of warcraft, a little tv, some music, a little piano.. this is one of those days that you just can't remember at the end. Ah, well, I've got plenty more days to make up with.

Oh yeah, I did go to see the Da Vinci Code with my dad. There's a confusing movie for you. It's very difficult to keep track of who is on what side. It's constantly changing. Oy. But it was good.

I am on a rammstein kick. Enough said there.

There's not much more to squeeze out of this. My head is all befuddled. I can't concentrate. I'll listen to one more song, then I'm going to bed. But rather than waste bandwidth trying to come up with 5 more minutes worth of words, I'll just end the post now.

Glances at the past

You know, this blog used to be interesting to read. It's not so much now. I just don't try as hard anymore... Don't pay as much attention to varying sentence structure, metaphors, vocabulary, and all that stuff. Maybe that's why nobody reads it anymore. Because it's pretty damn boring.

The sensible thing would be to break that habit.

So, what else, I'll just go on a rant about my emotions; that always gets some good vocab words out (Wow, I used a semicolon).

My fuse is consistently growing shorter. I suppose there are plenty of reasons, but nonetheless, it's unnerving. Usually when I'm quick to anger, it's just on a random fluke, and I'm fine the next day... Not so much now. I'm just running out of energy, I suppose. But I am most definately feeling very impatient.

I flipped off some really obnoxious middle school boys today. I never do that. I mean, yeah, I hate middle school boys, but I'm generally pretty tolerant. Well, if not tolerant, I'm silent about my hatred. I'm actually expressing it is new.

I hear my sister's essentially constant questions and apologies, just like I have for the past 13 years, and I can't stifle a "Jeez." I thought I had perfected my silence. Oh, don't get me wrong, I get annoyed as hell, I just don't show it. But I showed it today.

It feels good to express your frustration. But I had such good control of it for so long.

And I can't even just blame it on some random bad mood. This isn't a bad mood. This is going to be my life until I change something. I can feel that much.

Lately, I haven't been stressed, exactly. Stress, I associate with deadlines, with grades, with schedules. In a word, school.

This isn't what I call stress. It's just nagging, ever-present pressure, grinding away at me. Because of the nature of the matter, and the readership of this blog (specifically, I have no idea who the hell you are), I can't go into great detail, but I know that a lot of this "pressure" is family-oriented. Mind, I don't mean pressure on me -- To succeed in life, to get good grades, to get more friends, what have you -- but the growing unease of the people around me; the constant, pressing unhappiness of people that can't change their situation.

Then there are my friends. I can't remember what I've posted here and what I've withheld, but just for the sake of clarity and at the risk of being redundant, I'll explain a bit.

My relationship with Taylor -- if you can call it that -- is one of the most confusing things I've ever attempted. At any one moment, I have no idea if she hates me, if she likes me, if she's avoiding me, if I hate her, or what she's telling anyone else... So, I naturally try to give up periodically. And then everyone tells me not to give up, that she wants to be my friend, and she doesn't hate me, that she's just Taylor and she can't help being confused.

Well, I'm Patrick and I can't help being unmotivated when a person can't even decide if she wants to be your friend or not. Sorry, it's just who I am.

Emily is moving this week. This naturally raises a lot of drama, and that situation has its fair share of treachery and secrets. I've kept out of it, for the most part, but nevertheless, it's yet another change, and I'm going to miss her.

It all looks like it should be easy to handle, when it's on the page. The family issues just push it all off the metaphorical cliff, though. You'll just have to trust me on this one.

I need sleep.

That's what I tell myself when I get in one of these moods, where I'm just stuck in a circle of examination and lamentation. But then, what is sleep? What is a new day, when your problems simply can't be healed by time? What difference does it make?

This is life, Johnny, and you'd better get used to it.

Oh, look, I can post again.

Blogger was having some issues earlier....

Evidently, they have been resolved.

I'm in a weird mood.

Weird meaning unusual, not consfusing or unexpected.

I know exactly why I'm in a weird mood.

But I'm not going to tell y'all.

You don't need to know.

Hell, no one comes here anymore anyway.

Various claptrap

I finished my book. Go me. I was kind of frustrated... it was artificially adding length, or so it felt like. The characters would say exactly the same thing 4 times in 2 pages. It got old. I had to read it, though, because I read the previous 8 books in the series and loved most of them. I just hope the author doesn't do that again on the next book. >_>
The book was Chainfire, by Terry Goodkind.
The story was good, though nothing really happened at the end... it answered a bunch of questions, but no solutions have been acted upon yet. Grrr.

I started a new book. Don't remember what it's called. I just read a page in the middle, and it was very well written, and it's fantasy, so the story can't be too bad. So, even though I don't like the title and I don't like the cover, I'm going to have to read the book, because it flows. It's so much easier to read that way.

Haven't really been doing anything lately. Venus is in Illinois, so nobody is dragging me out forcing me to ride bikes... So of course I'm on the computer. What else.

I probably made about $6 last night. And I learned (again) why I never want to work in service. People are just obnoxious.

And/Or crazy.

My head is empty. I have nothing else to write.

I guess school didn't screw me up *too* bad.

It's been a week... and I've started moving again. This is a big step.

Actually, I've been moving quite a lot today... Rode my bike 10 miles with Venus... played DDR, nearly got myself a heart attack... You see, one of the fastest songs on my game (butterfly, for those of you who know the game) has been scaring me for... well, since I got it. I have mastered it on light, but as soon as I try it on standard, I look at all the arrows passing by my eyes at 5000mph and I get, well, a little intimidated. Well, today I actually tried to hit some of those arrows.

Yeah.

I was so incredibly close to passing. I got through all the hard stuff. I failed with two arrows left... A left-right jump, then a down arrow.

There were many words I would have said if I could've breathed.

As it was, all I could get out was "Oh my GOD!" and I collapsed on the bed.

Damned DDR.

Aaaaanyway. I guess I'm mostly recovered from school now. This is good. I don't understand how some people can hate summer because they have nothing to do.

I love having nothing to do.

I surfed around purevolume a bit today... again, not enough to actually make a full-fledged post, but Monochromatic and Kiteline are worth checking out. Monochromatic is a little preachy, though.. peace, love, harmony type of stuff. Blecch. But it's good music, nonetheless..

The cast list for Sarah's show is now complete. I have two rehearsals next week. I have to go to school on saturday. I have to work. I'll probably make about $3. Sigh. Whatever.

Grandparents are coming sometime this month. Mom's freaking out... that sort of thing always involves stress.

I can't help thinking that if my grandmother read this blog, she wouldn't like me nearly as much as she does now. heh.

I'm getting into rambling mode. I'd better stop.

You gotta wonder.

Took a trip to the spam box today...

CHEEAP WAY TO BIGGER UR SHORT & THIN D11CK mentioned

back side few nothing few. tying servants tying, news news mentioned
reading.did money allow not thats. bought is wife he. least latter news find
off.slow promised out music fire? news fly friends reply again anything.we fire
allow off reading.the explain development? supposedto servants shining. similar
end reply force bad?

....

I am speechless.

How on Earth?

I just can't seem to do daily blogging.

I've tried, on three different blogs. Just doesn't work. But once a week is enough, if you ask me.

School... Well, technically I have 2 more days, but it might as well have ended last friday. I'm not doing anything with these last 3. Today, I actually blew off some meager amount of homework. That's big, for me. Amazing what what you'll do when there's no pressure. Seriously, the only class I have to keep working for is English, and Mr. Teacher is pretty much done. So yeah. No more homework for me. Except *maybe* geometry, if he gives us any, which I doubt. That shit is easy.

Aaaanyway.

I have a choir concert tonight. We suck, and I was sick this weekend. So, I have to try not to squeak... Which means I completely don't sing on one part, because it has always been too high for me, and when I tried to sing it in class today, I squealed. But hey, who cares. Not me, haha.

Still trying to get all the paperwork crap done for my job. Auditorium Staff. Not really a job, but I need a Work Permit for it, so I can't get another job. Woot. But man, that's a lot of paperwork. Intent to Employ, W-4, Automatic Deposit Authorization, one more that I can't remember, and now we have to convince my bank to get me checks so that the administration can do some shit with a some other shit and Boom, I get money.

Of course, I am getting paid minimum wage.

Eh, who cares. Not me.

In the mood for blogging

Nothing really to report, but just in the mood for a blog post.

I found a couple new bands, but not enough to make a whole new post. So, go to purevolume and look up Fair and Sigur Ros. There's my music bit.

My cell phone is a bit cracked. Antenna looks like it might fall off any day now. So, we go to the phone place to buy me a new one, dad wants to shop around (story of my life) and so yeah, I'm still sitting here with a broken phone... End of story.

I think it is more or less official, I am ATDing for Abby and Sarah's senior project play at the Crump. ATD = Assistant Tech Director. Woohoo, go me.

Totally killed my monologue yesterday. In a good way, actually. Heard the word 'splendid' get thrown out there... So yeah, I'm happy. Consequently, my self-esteem has taken a boost, because I finally actually feel like I'm good at something. I am good enough to say I'm good at drama. Finally, there's something.

As a result of my new and improved self-esteem, I can listen to depressing music and actually not get dragged down into it. I guess I'm on the borderline between happy and sad right now--I'll be listening to the music, I'll get all melancholy, then I'll think, "wait, why am I sad? I have no reason." and I'll be happy again. So yeah. Interesting mood.

Actually, I kind of feel like I'm just watching myself live my life right now. This is actually a good thing at the moment, because it's a nice relief from the stress of school and friends and all that good stuff. I'm just kind of... watching.

I have to watch myself write a paper tomorrow. Why on earth do I have to write a paper? It's an acting class. I have to read a play, and write a paper about it. Again. Ms. Runge, that sounds an awful lot like busywork to me.

My book report is done. My monologue is done. School is easing up a bit... English is just a project about humor... Easiest project I've ever done, though, I just have to go on the internet and copy/paste a bunch of funny stuff, and print it out and hand it in with a table of contents. No presentation or anything. Huzzah. I have a chem final, but it's multiple choice. Nothing to worry about, really. I have to do graphics again for the Olympian Flame, but that's nothing. I've done it twice before. Big deal. Easy. Japanese... I could not do anything from now until the end of the year and still pass the class, probably with a C. So no pressure. Geometry... probably a final, but I'm freaking awesome at Geometry so that's no big deal. Only stressy class is Theater Arts, and since it's just one thing, the paper, it's not a big deal at all.

I'm rambling a lot.

I sort of feel like writing something... with words. Like... fiction. I haven't done that in a while. I wonder if I remember how.

Road Trip to the northeast is on the table for this summer. Just me and my dad. Could be fun. Definately wouldn't be here, and that's always a good thing. Maine, here I come.

I need to clean up this desk. I really don't want to, though. So I'm not going to.

I just hope my teachers don't all pull some project out of their collective ass next week. 'Cause things are going well.

Life is going so much better than usual, and it's only because it doesn't suck. Funny how that works, isn't it?

Surfing purevolume yet again

And voila, 5 new bands for your listening enjoyment (or, at least, for Kaisha's listening enjoyment).

1. Making April -- Vocals are nothing new, but good lyrics, and instrumentals are enough to make a unique sound. Probably my favorite of the 5.

2. Angels and Airwaves -- Not a great many examples of their music on purevolume, but it's enough to get an idea. The intros are longer than usual, but they feel like they are going somewhere. The vocals sound almost identical to Blink 182. Instrumentals are heavily synthesized, and pretty ambient. If you want more music, then google the band name, and hit their website. Fair warning, though, on the videos there are a couple boob shots. Artistically done, of course.

3. Blane -- Vocals, again, not incredibly different, but doesn't bring any specific band to mind like A&A does. The instruments are nearly all devoted to establishing a rythm, though there are a few melodic pieces scattered in there. In 'Two Legs,' there is a very awkward tempo change after the intro. Definately threw me off

4. Dresden Dolls -- Quite hard to compare to anything. The vocals are essentially genderless, which always makes things interesting. There are quite a few bounces in the singing, too. Hard to explain, but listen and you'll know what I mean. Very unique, which is, of course, refreshing.

5. The New Amsterdams -- You know you're in trouble when they've got Emo in the genre list. And this certainly is emo, but not the bad sort. The instrumentals remind me of Dashboard Confessional a bit, but for no real reason. Interesting harmonica riffs. Overall, not bad at all.

I never do these. Give me a break.

Put your playlist on random and post the first line of the first 20 songs that come up. See if your friends can identify the songs and their artists. (Google is cheating!)

1. You bored me with your stories, I can't believe that I endured you for as long as I did.
2. You will realease your life, Forgetting what's forsaken the reason why.
3. Can..... You..... Feel.... Their.... Haunting...... Presence?
4. My eyes can't believe what they have seen, in the corner of your room you've stockpiled millions of my memories.
5. There are children standing here, arms outstretched into the sky, tears drying on their face, he has been here.
6. Eyes boring a way to me, oh eyes, controlling completely
7. Like a song I had to sing, I sing it for you.
8. I know a girl with a golden touch; she's got enough, she's got too much
9. And so it is, just like you said it would be.
10. So I felt like the biggest asshole (felt like the biggest asshole!).
11. Where do we go, nobody knows.
12. Didn't have to happen this way, the words you said a thousand times before...
13. You say love captured me.
14. I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles in our eyes (etc, you can't tell me you don't know this one)
15. Shove me under you again, I can’t wait for this to end
16. I know we’re just like old friends, We just can’t pretend
17. Is it wrong to want to live on your own?
18. So quiet, another wasted night, the television steals the conversation.
19. You may tire of me, as our december sun is setting, 'cause I'm not who I used to be.
20. Bring in the the new sound, make it in, oh please make it in.

EDIT: Just thought I'd give a nice, big, FUCK YOU to all those comment spammers.

So, FUCK YOU, comment spammers.

Grr.

Just a little bit of complaining

And a visual representation.



That sums it up. Grr choir.

Boom boom boom.

I'm in a rock sort of mood. Boom boom. Mmm.

The new Korn single is pretty freaking sweet. Listening to it. I wouldn't have known about it, except for x103. Thank you, x103. And thank you, Jesse McCartney. If you hadn't come on qmix, I wouldn't have changed it. Thank you for sucking so much.

Harsh, but it had to be said.

Anyway... I'm just listening to the same two songs over and over. Rammstein -- Feuer Frei, and Korn -- Coming Undone. Love them.

I replaced the radiator on my truck today. They say cars are supposed to make life easier. I think someone just thought "hey, I need something to do. Wouldn't it be great if I had something that just ate as much time as I had?" and they came up with cars. And fast forward 100 years... and here I am. With a new radiator. And I know my truck that much better now.

Jeez.

Anyway, I need to go get pizza.

I shouldn't be stressing out....

Ok, I'm not in Vincennes. Go figure. We got the flu, long story short, and I'm spending the weekend sitting around the house trying to not infect people. I am getting better though, for real this time, so I'm going to be at school next week. I tried to go on Wednesday... I lasted until 12.40, then I left. Too sick. So now, lots of make-up work. Woohoo. But, I've got all my chemistry and japanese done, so all I really have left that I have the materials for is the English paper over Julius Caesar. I'm doing that tomorrow, and maybe Sunday if it requires it.

God, I hate essays.

So, I've missed three play rehearsals, and we have a choir concert on wednesday, and there is still one song that I don't know, because we started learning it on monday (yup, a week and a half before the concert >_<). So I have to learn it in three days, with a still-recovering-from-the-flu throat. Fun.

Now that I'm out of things to complain about, There's really not that much going on that's blogworthy. So hmm.

2 things again.

Not linux related.



I decided it was about time I posted a picture from Arizona. So, the Grand Canyon, of course.

Second thing.

Little nephew has been born, safe and sound. A little bit early, but only by a week or two. Relief. Sigh. I need to see the little dude! ^_^

Late-Breaking News

A couple of news items.

First, the less important. I fixed 2 (count them, 2!) of my biggest Linux problems today. I got MSN working, first of all, which was kind of a passive type fix... but a fix nonetheless... and I got Linux to boot on its own. Huzzah for me.

Second... Cousin's baby is being induced tomorrow. Aunt just called and told us. It's one thing to think "any day now," and it's another entirely to think "tomorrow." Very strange. And now is where the nervous starts. I know I'll be praying. But, for anyone who's interested, once rehearsal on Friday is done, I'm out of here. So make no plans with me for this weekend. I am busy.

And that was the news.

That was quick.

Well, ok. I was getting sick. My sister has been sick for like a week, and just started getting out of bed the other day. Then mom got it. Now I have it. I have to say, though, I was just in bed for most of yesterday. I'm already starting to feel better. Inconsistant disease, I guess. The parents are suspecting viral meningitis, which really isn't as serious as it sounds. I read some about it, and I can believe it. My skin is oddly sensitive, my head feels kind of heavy and clogged, weakness, insomnia... I dunno. Whatever it is, I didn't get it as bad as either my sister or my mom. But anyway, I'm home sick today. I may or may not be tomorrow. Interesting, too, because we get good friday off. So that's a three-day week for me, at most. then another 3-day weekend. Heheh.

Enough rambling about being sick. It's really not that interesting.

Blogging from Linux. Go me.

Yeah, my linux is running well enough to support basic internet usage. Hooray. I still have to type 4 lines of code to convince it to boot, and I can't seem to get msn up and running (in theory, it should work with this linux distribution... whatever)... actually, any program that isn't on one of the "add a program" lists seems to kill itself. Hmm. Seems like a linux installation goof more than anything, really.. :/

Anyway. I have word processors, internet, and IRC and AIM though I never use either one... lots of games... spreadsheet... and a few music players... though they don't seem to like mp3s so much. They all favor Ogg Vorbis. :/

I'm not done with Windows yet, though.

Anyway... For you all who don't understand any of that... Um.. my neck hurts. Ow.

EDIT: Ok, I'm not in linux anymore. It was making me grr. But anyway.

My neck really hurts.

This sucks. I'm too stressed out. School, the play... I'm tired, and I'm constantly wondering if I'm going to be going to Vincennes or not... Though, it doesn't look like I am this weekend because Mom is getting sick. The prospects of birth don't look so great right now, anyway.

Also, I may be getting sick too. Which is not good. So I'm not doing anything on Sunday, regardless of what you all try to get me into.

Just... blah. Grr.

And as for today...

Well, today's the day on the calendar marked as "if common sense ruled the world, the school year would end today."

Well, if only common sense reigned supreme, right?

Seriously... we were all already hanging on by a thread. It's the fourth 9 weeks. School is out next month. Every class is getting harder still (excepting of course geometry) and sometimes you just want to go on a vandalism spree. No, really. Some guy did. Knocked the window out of the hospital helicoptor. Yeah. Blame it on the school year.

And Daylight Saving Time has just made it all worse. It's bad enough when you get to the end of the year under normal circumstances. But now we have DST to contend with, and none of us are used to it. So everyone just goes nuts.

And we are, too.

The vandalism I mentioned before, people are all breaking up and getting mad at each other and screwing up their grades, and they are ALL tired.

I've been lucky, for the most part. I have no-one to break up with. It may not be possible to screw up my grades. But I'm as tired as the next guy, and that's just no good. I went to bed at 9:00 last night. That's nine hours of sleep. And yet I'm still going through the day in a daze. WTF? How? 9 hours of sleep! During the winter, that was plenty. During the summer, that's plenty. During DST, no. I'm dazed.

Fucking governor.

Which brings up another topic. Half of my friends *never* hear me swear. Half of them hear me swear all the time. I don't know how that works. I don't try not to swear around anyone in particular. It just happens. Then I'll have one of each group with me at once, and I'll say something, and the never-hears-me-swear-er will be like "Pat just swore! I don't think I've ever heard Pat swear!" and the other one will say "no, Pat swears all the time." I just shrug. I don't understand, either.

WTF. the sirens are going off at 4:35. I'll look at the weather.

Wow, tornado warning and sun. Go figure, indiana.

Arizona

I suppose this title is deceptive. I'm not going to explain in great detail what I did there... We saw Phoenix, Wickenburg, Prescott, Jerome, Sedona, Flagstaff, and of course the Grand Canyon. I'll elaborate with photos later on, but for now it should be sufficient to know that I am alive and well, apart from a minor blistering burn on my left ring finger. Hmm... left ring finger. Interesting.

Anyway... I'm still recovering. So let me be.

Combing purevolume

I decided I wanted new music. So, naturally I got on purevolume. Good artists, frequently free music, legal. And relatively safe.

Hello Tokyo -- Kind of peppy, but more in a white stripes way than a britney spears way, so I guess it's all good. Not good for depressed days, though.

The Elliot Project -- Dashboard Confessional / Death Cab reminiscent vocals, but more energy than Dashboard, and more raw than Death Cab. Good for the same sort of mood as the two mentioned bands.

Fine China -- Unique enough, each song is different, so it's hard to describe them. Poppish, techno-inspired beat and instrumentals, but mellow. Then on the *other* song I downloaded by them, the instruments were more deathcabby, and more prominent vocals, vocals also being in the postal service/dashboard confessional category... but in a different way than The Elliot Project.

Lastwinter -- Again, difficult to place. More rock instrumentals than the others, and sometimes rockier vocals. Another band with good variety, though the same vocal tools are used repetitively in different backgrounds. Look at me, talking like I know something. Anyway, rockier, but not overpoweringly rocky. Kind of in the same league as funeral for a friend, but not really similar to that band at all.

The Photo Atlas -- Kind of sounds like something Franz Ferdinand could put out if they were less scottish, and the singer's voice suddenly rose an octave or two. Similar in that every instrument (voice included) is very attatched to a beat.

Hmm. There's a new music fix for you (Especially you, Kaisha).
Unless I feel bloggy tomorrow morning, this'll be the last post before I leave for Arizona. So, bye in advance.

Bring on the warm.

I made it through school. Thank God. It's spring break. Whew.

There was an interesting incedent with a power outage the other day. But I'm too relieved to go into detail about that.

Phoenix! Warm! Grand Canyon! Airplane! Warm! Rental Cars!
Warm!

Sigh. I'm not so much excited as glad I made it.

Outside World, here I come.

Anyway.

I printed off another Beethoven sonata. This one's just a page and a half, though. Not nearly as long as moonlight. Though a *little* more complicated. But not too bad.

Sonata No. 25, Op. 79, Movement 2 - Andante.

It's about 2:30 long... as opposed to the 6:45 of Moonlight Sonata 1st mvt. So maybe this one *won't* take me 3 months to learn. Hmm.

Thank God, spring break.

Just 2 more months after this.

I guess I owe you a post.

It started out innocently enough... just checking my email... found a comment from here... visited kathleen's xanga (turns out she's engaged? Who saw that coming, eh? ;)), commented, checked other blogs... here I am. Posting. Wow, who knew?

Even though it has been some weeks, I can't promise anything profound or satisfying. I'm pretty much exhausted. We performed Fiddler last night, and it went pretty well. I don't know if I've mentioned this on here or not, but I was drafted into the Russian army for the play. I didn't audition. Yet somehow, I have a costume, I'm wearing stage makeup, and I get to do a little jig and sing a big old song for the curtain call. Go figure, right? So, I am the hybrid, the half-breed, the super-techie... whatever you want to call me. I'm not particularly important on either end of the spectrum, but I am quite exhausted. Too much to think about. I'm going to be so glad when it's all over. >_<

And that's why I'm posting so little. I'm just flat-out tired. Maybe I'll post more next week. And I am getting out of here in 9 days (God bless spring break), to sunny arizona... Oh, maybe I forgot to mention that as well. My mother and I both decided we were tired of everything, so we bought plane tickets the last day of the two-week-ahead period, and now my sister, my mom, and I are going to Arizona for 7 days. I'm not so much excited as I am being kept alive by the prospect.

Other than that... nothing much going on, all things considered. We did the scheduling for next year... I am officially taking:

Algebra II Honors
English 11 Honors
Physics
Japanese III
US History
3D Art
Show Choir
Adv. Theater Arts- Shakespeare
Adv. Theater Arts- Indepenent Study Playwriting

Alternative:
Computer Programming C++

Anyway. That's my schedule. If the guidance office is as adept as ever, I'll probably end up with agricultural science in there somewhere as well.

I am toying with the idea of officially becoming Catholic. Only toying right now, because that's just another thing on a long list of things to ruminate over. But it's on the table. And don't worry, I'm not going to get all Scary-Catholic on you... you know, like "Gay people are satan's children, Birth control is a sin, etc..."... No. Just loosely. And nobody try to convert me to anything else. If I'm going to be religious, I Will Be Catholic. If I'm not catholic, I won't be religious. Simple as that. I'm not thinking about this because someone's put the fear of God in me, or to be a good Christian, or because I need to socialize. I'm thinking about this because I personally need it. I need somewhere I can go that is familiar, that can just be comfortable, where I can work on the whole inner peace thing. Maybe that means I'm a bad Christian. But that is completely beside the point.

And I think I shall leave you at that. I need a shower. I still have some eyeliner on from last night's show.

10 reasons why I love Japanese.

1. Particles. These are the hardest, weirdest, most confusing part of Japanese, and it just so happens that I am awesome at them. Comes completely naturally. I can figure out when to use 'wa' or 'ga,' 'de' or 'ni,' 'kara,' 'ka,' 'e,' 'no,' 'mo,' 'ne,' 'yo,' and 'wo.' Yay Japanese and to a lesser extent yay me.

2. Verb endings. No "o, es, e, emos, eis, or en." That's all just "masu." Past tense is "mashita." negative is "masen," and past negative is "masendeshita." potential mood has its own verb ending, as does preferative mood. No screwing around with "to do," either. Either a verb has "to do (suru)" it or not, and it stays that way. Just conjugate the "suru" and leave the other part. Or never use "suru" with it at all.

3. Because nobody else does.

4.... Ah, other things have come to occupy me.

Not deep

No emotion-baring today. I haven't got a whole lot to bare. So, yeah.

It's friday. Hooray.

I have to go to school tomorrow for Tech, but it's not as bad as *last* saturday, which was solo & ensemble for choir. Everybody there will have signed up to be there. So yeah. Less theft issues. More accomplishments. And I get to go home at noon. So, yeah.

I did my theater arts monologue yesterday. I got a 41 out of 50. Again. That's what I got on the last monologue. But, I did better on memorization and character. I just kind of bombed volume. It evened out.

Took the chem test today. Wasn't too bad. Neither was the vocab test, but they never are bad.

Jeez. I really have nothing to talk about.

The happy lives on

Well, the good mood has maintained itself. Huzzah, glory be to god and peace on earth, et cetera.

I've gotten to the point where because of solo and ensamble, I've resigned myself to having not much of a weekend... I have to be there at 7am, and I probably won't get back until 4 or 5. At least I've got variety throughout the week, I guess.

Our ensamble isn't too bad, now that we changed songs for the second time and are now singing one we already knew because Hauan *made* us learn it for the winter concert. So, it's a little cheap, but maybe we've got a shot now. We sound... decent... and we now have an accompanyist (who, by the way, said I sounded good), so I guess it's wrapping up. The climax was sometime earlier in the week, though. All that's left is performing it. Maybe I'm just screwed up, cause I'm never really nervous before a performance.

Went to chris's and watched boure supremacy last night. Pretty cool movie.
I still suck at soul caliber.

So, now it's at least classless for a couple days. I'm in the mindset that it'll all be over soon, but the thing is it won't be. We don't even get any sort of days off until spring break. March 20. Hmm. whatever.

Yeah, I'm done.

Finally! A blog post that won't make you cringe to read!

I've managed to pull myself out of the dark depths of depression, through a combination of pushups, DDR, going to Louisville, sushi, and my male ability to cast off emotions when I get sick enough of them.

That's right. I'm not that depressed right now. Pack up the kids and kerosene heaters, the world must be ending.

But anyway. Got up at 9.30 and went to Louisville with Venus, her sister Val, Val's friend Ethan and their dad. Went to an organic grocery (I know, sounds strange, but bear with me), and I tried sushi *and* sashimi (at least, I think that shrimp was raw) both for the first time. I also got some weird organic peach tea which I started off kind of questioning but I'm liking more and more every time I take a drink.

They were also having a chili cookoff at the grocery store today. So lots of free chili samples. It was all good, but the best was chili soup with noodles and stuff. It was kind of sweet. Everyone else liked the reigning champion's, though, but I voted for the sweet stuff. Yum.

We went to the pro bass shop in clarksville after that, and we just walked around. And this place is gargantuan. Three floors, 46,000 gallon fish tank, huge laser-rifle range (you put in 50 cents and get 25 chances to hit little targets placed throughout the range), a putting green, 3 elevators, a starbucks... It's insane. You can spend hours. We did.

Came home... This is when I decided that instead of moping I am actually going to do something. So I did pushups and crunches. Then the post-exercise tiredness was maldistributed... all upperbody. So I played DDR. Now I ache a tiny bit all over. And I feel a lot better, too.

Man, this tea is starting to taste really good.

Ima, kono cha wa umai desu yo.

I'm just in a japanese sort of mood, I guess.

EDIT: Because Kaisha asked, I posted on my poetry blog. Link on the sidebar, you know the drill.

P.S, yes, this is not exactly parallel to the mood portrayed here. I wrote it a week or two ago and only bothered to post it today. No worries.

You'd think I would get it by now

As usual, monday's suck, but I'm never nearly as depressed monday evening as on Sunday.

So, now I can offer a more worthwhile blog post. Well, at least less 'anti-climactic.'

Yeah... I'm torn on the whole Olympian Flame issue. I don't really connect with the people on it, for the most part. It's not really my scene, I guess, as odd as that sounds coming from me. But, first mod could be spent worse. All in all, it's pretty enjoyable, and I don't regret doing it. So, that begs the question... Next year or no? I dunno. Practically, I probably won't end up taking it. But, I'm still weighing it.

Chem... I feel pretty solid in there... it's always throwing me for loops, though. I think I know it, then I don't, then I do, then I don't.... Whatever. Once I get out of chem, I'll never use it again. It's not crucial that I retain it after the final.

Japanese is one of those rare classes that I don't even have a thought of reconsidering right now. I don't know what the deal after high school will be, but I have no doubt that I'm going to be taking it next year. Frankly, the language is freaking awesome, Lykins rocks so much, and it's one of those things that I'm always learning new things about, but none of it requires me to bend my brain that much. So hooray for Japanese.

Choir... The work ethic issue is getting better, in my opinion. Maybe it's just because solo and ensamble is in 12 days, but we're complaining less and working more, at least in my ensamble. Hey, we still suck ass (or kill cows as we like to say), but I guess it's the effort that counts.

English. BAH. Don't get me wrong, Galbraith is an awesome teacher, and to a certain extent he makes english enjoyable, but that can't erase the fact that I simply am not a Language Arts person. I. Hate. English Class. My God.

Geometry. I've decided that I can deal with Campbell now, and I'm good enough at the subject matter. Not my favorite class, but easy on the mind.

Theater Arts. Actually requires an element of work to do well... And focus, too. That's the difficult part, the focus. I may be smart, but if I spend any significant amount of time focused on one thing, chances are I will never want to touch it again. Fortunately, I'm not quite that bad about drama, but still, it's interesting.

So there's the classes.... none of it really worth reading, though.

My muffler is now dying. Oh yeah, a recap:

I got the truck. Really dirty. Cleaned a bunch of places.
Took interior apart, made entirely new holes for speakers and replaced speakers and stereo.
Replaced starter.
Replaced speedometer cable. (more work than it sounds like)
Remember... I have been driving since september. Sigh.
So, now I need to get my muffler replaced, cause every time I stop, it goes RRRRGGRRGHHGGRRRRGGGHHRR (or some variation of that) until I start up again. And this is really annoying at traffic lights. Also, I'll be accelerating, and it makes normal accelerating sounds, then I catch up to the car in front of me, slow down by 4 miles an hour, and THEN it shifts up. Grrrr automatic transmission. So that results in a big th-thumpJERK FORWARD when it does shift. It feels.. odd.

So yeah. Used truck. Gotta love it.

Yup. I drove my RRRRGGHHHGGRRRRRRGGRRHRR/Jerky truck to the mall, where I paid 72 cents for a cd (The Academy Is... - Almost Here). Well, not really. $10 was my prize from the talent show, $3 something was what was left on my sam goody gift card. 72 cents was out of my own pocket.

Now a sample of lyrics from my new cd.

"Why oh why d'you wear sunglasses in the home when the sun went down about an hour ago?"

Hmm. I think I'll just stop listening to the words of songs now.

All in all, though, it's good.

Anyway, that's all I can be bothered to regurgitate right now.

Beannachd Leibh.

Consistency would be great.

Post, post, post, post post... nothing... postpostpost... nothing...

Story of my blog.

Go figure.

Anyway, life.

Life sucks, and I'll just leave it at that.

I went on a musical writing "binge" to steal a word from the lovely Emily, in which I wrote about 4.5 new songs on Finale notepad. Yay for me.

In a desperate attempt to escape all-consuming depressiong today, I wrote more music, played DDR, wrote more again, memorized my monologue for theater arts, went across the street and moved furniture... And yeah. Now I've achieved a state of sullen, but not overtly pained, apathy. Yayhoo.

Life itself over the past week has been uneventful, but depressing nonetheless. Same old, same old, essentially. Same old schoolwork, same old drama, same old everything. Except there's also the group spontaneously combusting, some relationships strengthening, some weakening, every negative aspect of the new semester, social and academic, is intensifying, and there's no doubt that it will all get worse.

And that's life.

And now I've blogged.

Yesterday was productive.

So productive, in fact, that by the time it was done it might as well have been 3 days. But I don't really feel exhausted. Kind of energized, really.

Got up at 9.30. Was going to eat, but I never did. We went to North Vernon (me and dad, I drove)... bought a piano from a guy... Dad drove home with it in the back of a truck, cause I don't want another $450 riding on my driving skills, especially when $450 worth of piano is solidly blocking my rearview mirror and 10-foot boards are sticking out the back. So yeah. Dad drove.

Did I mention that the piano weighs about a million pounds, and it took 4 guys to get it into the truck? Well, it was just me, dad, and mom getting it into the house. So yeah... Dad backed the truck through the yard, over the shrubbery (we always did hate those damn bushes) and right up to the front door.. Oh yeah, we live in a split level. There are 6 steps in front of the front door. We slid the piano up the boards into the house, and finally into the living room.

Well, there was nowhere for it to go with the current living room layout. So we moved all the furniture to the other side of the room. I got to hook up the stereo/dvd/vcr/tv system. Every component in our stereo is seperate. You have no idea how much fun I had with that. :P

I went to the mall with mom... Bought some clothes (haven't bought clothes since fall, and all of them are suspiciously summer-ish)... and a lamp.

That was basically my day.

In a really drawn-out sort of way.

Life is kicking our butts

It seems like most of my group is pretty run-down lately. Nicole left, classwork is picking up again, the play is starting up full force, and it's easy to tell by the moods. The past week has been very draining. So much that in the past 3 days, I haven't been able to drag myself onto the computer. We may be handling the situation, but it's taking a lot out of us.

Anyway, my situation. I don't have tech today... Huzzah. Don't get me wrong, it's fun, but I like having more down-time. Going over to Chris's today to do whatever... Then waking up at about 9 tomorrow and driving to North Vernon to check out a piano, and maybe buy it and bring it home, not really sure what the situation is there. Sometime this weekend I have to buy clothes, and also we have to fix my truck in there somewhere.

I'm just glad it's the weekend. We have monday off for MLK Day. Also pretty glad for that.

I can't really pull much more out. So, you'll just have to live with a short post.

Mental Cleansing

I don't really think that I have any specific theme for this post. I just need to clear my head a little.

Titan's going away party was today. It's kind of a lot, three goodbyes in two days, but there's not a lot to do about it. So, basically, it was a bit more partyish, and since the 'away' is a bit more short-term (at least for now), it wasn't as depressing, either. So, there was DDR. Of course. And pool (billiards, no water involved). And a little bit of Mortal Kombat near the end. I wasn't quite as outgoing tonight as I have been at recent parties. I was just too mentally tired to be going at full force for 6 hours. But, it was still fun.

It's kind of strange how quickly things can change. In the matter of a week, whole daily routines were changed, three people left town, one for good, and entire relationships can shift focus permanently.

It kind of makes me happy, in a way, just to see how well people can persevere. In my mind, there's not really anything I'm comparing it with... I mean, you can't just give up on life because it changed a little bit, right? But I'm still kind of astonished just how adaptable people are.

It seems so condescending when I type it out. The whole thought process is kind of strange in my head... It's like trying to catch flies.... You can always tell it's there, and can usually point it out at any one moment, but as soon as you try to corner it and kill it (or as the case may be, understand it), it flits off in another direction, and you're left scratching your head, wondering where on earth that came from.

I just needed a little bit of release. Of what? Who knows.

What can you do.

Yeah, Nicole is leaving. Tomorrow, I think. Tonight, we all went to see The Family Stone, just so that we could all be together. We filled up an entire movie theater row, -1 seat, +2. Biggest group I've ever been to the movies with. Basically, it was to say goodbye to Nicole.

Since I heard the news, I haven't really known what I thought. I can't say I'm surprised, because Nicole's been through this before, it was bound to happen again. So I never went through the shock part, really. I confess, things have been a *little* awkward between us, understandably but regrettably, and I thought I would just say goodbye, and it'd be done with.

We saw the movie, kind of avoiding the subject throughout. Afterwards, we just congregated in the corridor outside the theater, and talked for a few minutes. I watched goodbye after tearful goodbye. Also in the works: Sam was going back to college in Virginia after a few weeks of visiting over christmas break (for her it was a good week and a half longer than ours). So more goodbyes for her, if not as dramatic solely because it was less of a change, more back to the way things were.

We eventually made our way down the hallway, many of us red in the face and a few tears still streaming down a few faces. We went outside, making various small-talk about worthless, unremarkable and wholly unremembered things. A few calls home for rides were made, a few more goodbyes from the people leaving at the time, then we went back into the vestibule. It's really cold outisde in Indiana in January.

My mom's car showed up. So, that was the end of it for me. A couple brief waves and see-yous.. I'll see them all on Monday. But there was no way I was going to leave without a proper goodbye to Nicole. I may never see her again. So, I walked over and hugged her.

Sigh. It turns out, my friends, that history never leaves. It may fade, and become fogged, a long-lost scrap of the life of someone who you used to be. But it's always there. So, as I stood there and hugged my Ex-Girlfriend of 13 months, I discovered, far too late, that just because you say the words, it's never over. Nothing is ever over. I actually do still care.

When you give someone a piece of your heart, that piece will never be the same. That's not to say that it will necessarily end up on the floor, ground to a pulp, broken and bleeding. But that person will always be there, in that piece of your heart that you commended to them.

Slightly aged new year

So, the new year post is off by a couple days. But it's not too late to say

I hope you have a happy, prosperous, and politically correct 2006.

Heh.

Anyway. Went back to school today... It's strange, after every break, I think it's going to feel weird, but it never does. It's just a little sad. Though, it's the first day of the semester, so nothing too rigorous happened today. Got a couple new seating charts, got some grades and papers back. Mr. Galbraith put "strange organization" on my oral book report. Lol. I don't like presenting in the order of the rubric. It bugs me. So I didn't. And it got "strange organization" and a point taken off. I'm not too bothered, though, cause I missed five points on the "quality of presentation" section. I'm just not that good at that type of thing, really.

Still no new choir songs today. Big surprise there.

Played the piano in resource. An *actual* piano. A grand piano. It sounds so cool after playing a bunch of keyboards. ^_^

Mmm-hmm... our little group is kind of dissheveled right now, because apparently Nicole's dad blew up at her *again* and is threatening to move her *again*. To NC this time. But it's seeming actually serious, because she wasn't at school today, and we all just kind of had various pieces of info and pieced it together... but no-one really knows what's going on. I don't think any of us have actually talked to her.

This town can be so dramatic.

First day of tech was today... Nothing really happened basically at all. Go figure. So yeah... some stupid shit, some stupider than other... Not really much else worth mentioning.