Milestone

Just for the sake of clarity, this is a post about my "relationships with people," so treat it as such.

Not that it's of any particular great intrest to any of you, but I just stumbled upon a realization. I have finally recovered.

I have been considering myself damaged for some time. I broke up with my last girlfriend in November of '05. I was young then. Yes, it was 7 months ago. However, so much has changed inside me in those 7 months. I have definately grown. Soon after the breakup, Nicole moved to Tennessee. So, I had some issues there that I had to work through. While still in the midst of those, I got myself mentally involved with Emily. After much back-and-forth, it didn't work out. While I was still working through that, Taylor came up again. Then that all went to hell, and I finally just said, to hell with it all, I quit. Although I have since learned that I definately did not quit, that was probably the best thing for me at the time. I have finally worked through all my shit. I've gone over it all in my head countless times. And it's finally settled down.

Yes, that's right, folks. I have reached a new equilibrium.

I can finally stop telling myself that I'm 'not ready' for a relationship. I am no longer 'not ready.'

I've been on a roller coaster these past 7 months. All I can hope now is that somehow, I've emerged healthier for it.

God, I hope so. I guess we'll see.

Stop sending me chain mail

I don't care how much bad luck you're going to have.

I don't care if I'm ruining some fun game.

I don't care how well-written the fake email from the MSN employees is.

Stop sending me chain mail.

I'm serious.

I don't know how you people fall for this stuff. It seems to me that any person who uses the internet as much as you all do would catch on to the scam, but obviously not. I'm still getting chain mail. So I'll spare you a rant about how none of it is true, and how you're just showing the world how gullible you are, and how I have enough junk mail without these....

Just stop sending them to me.

Seriously.

Redundant

I feel an intangible need to blog.

Patrick's Family Issues (PFI) have of course come up again. They come up in every conversation that's had around here nowadays. There's nothing to be done for it, though, but to wait. PFI will not reach any sort of conclusion for another 6 years. By then I'll be out of here. I'll manage. But we really do talk about it all alot.

Now, that was vague, wasn't it??

Now for some real stuff.

My grandparents on my dad's side are here. They're reasonably normal old people. Enough said there.

Actually, they're not *here*. They're staying in a hotel. But they're usually here. Just not now.

Now, that was pointless, wasn't it??

There is of course the normal WoW jumble, but I'll spare you all but the barebones. I created 2 new characters. I've gotten them to level 15 and 8. Fun fun.

It's raining. It was storming for a while.. but it's pretty quiet now. Judging by the radar, though, the rain will keep up for a while.

This whole post is just stupid.

What's that?

What's that? Over on PatrickIsTalented? Could it be? Something has changed?
Is it the sidebar? No... the layout? nooo.... Oh, that's it! There's a new poem!

What are you waiting for? Go check it out.

Witty new title

I used up most of my write-well-juice for that last post there, so this is going to be... Shall we say... minimalistic.
The more observant of the bunch may notice that I changed the name of my blog. I decided that "Patrick's random crap" was getting old. So I thought up a witty NEW name, and now I'm one of the many blogs with "thoughts" in the name. I guess everyone all ends up the same eventually.

I haven't been doing much with my life today... a little world of warcraft, a little tv, some music, a little piano.. this is one of those days that you just can't remember at the end. Ah, well, I've got plenty more days to make up with.

Oh yeah, I did go to see the Da Vinci Code with my dad. There's a confusing movie for you. It's very difficult to keep track of who is on what side. It's constantly changing. Oy. But it was good.

I am on a rammstein kick. Enough said there.

There's not much more to squeeze out of this. My head is all befuddled. I can't concentrate. I'll listen to one more song, then I'm going to bed. But rather than waste bandwidth trying to come up with 5 more minutes worth of words, I'll just end the post now.

Glances at the past

You know, this blog used to be interesting to read. It's not so much now. I just don't try as hard anymore... Don't pay as much attention to varying sentence structure, metaphors, vocabulary, and all that stuff. Maybe that's why nobody reads it anymore. Because it's pretty damn boring.

The sensible thing would be to break that habit.

So, what else, I'll just go on a rant about my emotions; that always gets some good vocab words out (Wow, I used a semicolon).

My fuse is consistently growing shorter. I suppose there are plenty of reasons, but nonetheless, it's unnerving. Usually when I'm quick to anger, it's just on a random fluke, and I'm fine the next day... Not so much now. I'm just running out of energy, I suppose. But I am most definately feeling very impatient.

I flipped off some really obnoxious middle school boys today. I never do that. I mean, yeah, I hate middle school boys, but I'm generally pretty tolerant. Well, if not tolerant, I'm silent about my hatred. I'm actually expressing it is new.

I hear my sister's essentially constant questions and apologies, just like I have for the past 13 years, and I can't stifle a "Jeez." I thought I had perfected my silence. Oh, don't get me wrong, I get annoyed as hell, I just don't show it. But I showed it today.

It feels good to express your frustration. But I had such good control of it for so long.

And I can't even just blame it on some random bad mood. This isn't a bad mood. This is going to be my life until I change something. I can feel that much.

Lately, I haven't been stressed, exactly. Stress, I associate with deadlines, with grades, with schedules. In a word, school.

This isn't what I call stress. It's just nagging, ever-present pressure, grinding away at me. Because of the nature of the matter, and the readership of this blog (specifically, I have no idea who the hell you are), I can't go into great detail, but I know that a lot of this "pressure" is family-oriented. Mind, I don't mean pressure on me -- To succeed in life, to get good grades, to get more friends, what have you -- but the growing unease of the people around me; the constant, pressing unhappiness of people that can't change their situation.

Then there are my friends. I can't remember what I've posted here and what I've withheld, but just for the sake of clarity and at the risk of being redundant, I'll explain a bit.

My relationship with Taylor -- if you can call it that -- is one of the most confusing things I've ever attempted. At any one moment, I have no idea if she hates me, if she likes me, if she's avoiding me, if I hate her, or what she's telling anyone else... So, I naturally try to give up periodically. And then everyone tells me not to give up, that she wants to be my friend, and she doesn't hate me, that she's just Taylor and she can't help being confused.

Well, I'm Patrick and I can't help being unmotivated when a person can't even decide if she wants to be your friend or not. Sorry, it's just who I am.

Emily is moving this week. This naturally raises a lot of drama, and that situation has its fair share of treachery and secrets. I've kept out of it, for the most part, but nevertheless, it's yet another change, and I'm going to miss her.

It all looks like it should be easy to handle, when it's on the page. The family issues just push it all off the metaphorical cliff, though. You'll just have to trust me on this one.

I need sleep.

That's what I tell myself when I get in one of these moods, where I'm just stuck in a circle of examination and lamentation. But then, what is sleep? What is a new day, when your problems simply can't be healed by time? What difference does it make?

This is life, Johnny, and you'd better get used to it.

Oh, look, I can post again.

Blogger was having some issues earlier....

Evidently, they have been resolved.

I'm in a weird mood.

Weird meaning unusual, not consfusing or unexpected.

I know exactly why I'm in a weird mood.

But I'm not going to tell y'all.

You don't need to know.

Hell, no one comes here anymore anyway.

Various claptrap

I finished my book. Go me. I was kind of frustrated... it was artificially adding length, or so it felt like. The characters would say exactly the same thing 4 times in 2 pages. It got old. I had to read it, though, because I read the previous 8 books in the series and loved most of them. I just hope the author doesn't do that again on the next book. >_>
The book was Chainfire, by Terry Goodkind.
The story was good, though nothing really happened at the end... it answered a bunch of questions, but no solutions have been acted upon yet. Grrr.

I started a new book. Don't remember what it's called. I just read a page in the middle, and it was very well written, and it's fantasy, so the story can't be too bad. So, even though I don't like the title and I don't like the cover, I'm going to have to read the book, because it flows. It's so much easier to read that way.

Haven't really been doing anything lately. Venus is in Illinois, so nobody is dragging me out forcing me to ride bikes... So of course I'm on the computer. What else.

I probably made about $6 last night. And I learned (again) why I never want to work in service. People are just obnoxious.

And/Or crazy.

My head is empty. I have nothing else to write.

I guess school didn't screw me up *too* bad.

It's been a week... and I've started moving again. This is a big step.

Actually, I've been moving quite a lot today... Rode my bike 10 miles with Venus... played DDR, nearly got myself a heart attack... You see, one of the fastest songs on my game (butterfly, for those of you who know the game) has been scaring me for... well, since I got it. I have mastered it on light, but as soon as I try it on standard, I look at all the arrows passing by my eyes at 5000mph and I get, well, a little intimidated. Well, today I actually tried to hit some of those arrows.

Yeah.

I was so incredibly close to passing. I got through all the hard stuff. I failed with two arrows left... A left-right jump, then a down arrow.

There were many words I would have said if I could've breathed.

As it was, all I could get out was "Oh my GOD!" and I collapsed on the bed.

Damned DDR.

Aaaaanyway. I guess I'm mostly recovered from school now. This is good. I don't understand how some people can hate summer because they have nothing to do.

I love having nothing to do.

I surfed around purevolume a bit today... again, not enough to actually make a full-fledged post, but Monochromatic and Kiteline are worth checking out. Monochromatic is a little preachy, though.. peace, love, harmony type of stuff. Blecch. But it's good music, nonetheless..

The cast list for Sarah's show is now complete. I have two rehearsals next week. I have to go to school on saturday. I have to work. I'll probably make about $3. Sigh. Whatever.

Grandparents are coming sometime this month. Mom's freaking out... that sort of thing always involves stress.

I can't help thinking that if my grandmother read this blog, she wouldn't like me nearly as much as she does now. heh.

I'm getting into rambling mode. I'd better stop.